Would you like to guess how many times “disconnect from social media” topped my New Year’s resolutions?

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I’m a goal maker, a list writer, a journal keeper, a firm believer in emotional dumps on paper. Every major event to unbearable situation has been documented. Scribbled within these lists are goals for me to strive for. Some former goals being: get fit, become a morning person, budget your money, turn off the TV, resist talking about your boyfriend constantly … all simple and catered to making me feel better about myself. These aren’t 01/01/new year goals. They’re reevaluated every month and thought about every day. Some get a check mark while others come full circle year after year. A veteran full circle is the disconnect from social media.

My first attempt was 2009 when I deactivated my Facebook account and with that my entire social presence was gone because it’s all I had. No smartphone, no apps, didn’t care for Twitter, don’t think Instagram was invented yet, no Pinterest, no Tumblr, no Snapchat, no Vine, no LinkedIn. The disconnect lasted 3 months before I reactivated. Those 3 months were my biggest victory in the last 5 years. The goal is currently listed as “ascend from social posion.” Failing. There’s always February.

Who cares? I know. Nothing is more uninteresting than what someone else wants out of life. My point being in order to grow you need to regularly examine your motives, discover your passions and monitor your goals. By doing that you give purpose to your life which ultimately means you didn’t waste away to a decrepit human looking back like WTF happened?!

I recently moved to New Bedford for two reasons 1) commuting 100 miles a day was bogus 2) I was too comfortable. At 24, I was living in my hometown with my best friends and 15 minutes from my boyfrind, eating the same old food, driving the same old streets, seeing the same old people and sleeping on my parents couch when I was hungover and wanted food. The only scary part was I adored every minute of it! In the midst of my adoration an opportunity rose to move and with that I peeled off my comfort blankets. When you’re in a vulnerable state of an unfamiliar place, far from your familiar people you begin to dig up what actually matters to you as a human. Case and point: animals complete me, I can’t wait to have babies (I am waiting though), eat right, keep the body tight, live long, stay educated, be passionate, remain engaged with who and what matters = be worthy of an awesome life. Someone who binge watches Revenge AFTER a day of purpose. An awesome life to me is a brilliant badass dressed in a suit slaying motherfuckers in the field who comes home to a loving husband and well-dressed kids. I want to be rich. My boyfriend says money can’t buy happiness and my rebuttal is I need manicures every other week and that requires wealth.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my efforts of focusing and working towards the greater good will fall to shambles, but the best part is I’m young. I’ll figure it out. One list at a time.

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